The helping hand ( Chapter 12 )
2022-03-28 16:58:25 - Elizabeth
As i been sharing in few chapters, the last four months has been the strongest and painful healing process of my life, the pain was not only physically but spiritually, i have never cried for months non stop as i did now, until my body started to hurt for crying so much, stressing so much, worrying so much, and all the feelings that causes real pain. i have never imagine that my willing to heal wounds would take this amount of strength and faith, this amount of energy and will power to get up every day, feeling horrible, i have felt like, there wasnt nothing else to do than just cry about it, and even after months of crying i thought it wasnt enough to release the pain i had, and i still have thank GOD is less, but it still around and within me. I cant describe in few words or chapters what it was about, i dont even want to, because after all the pain i felt, all these nights without sleeping, all these days running into a hospital, all these nights of desperation, of sadness, of uncertain, all these moments cannot be explain or tell, only whom lives it with his soul, will know how it feels like. I am not even trying to let you know my day by day of suffering, its impossible to do that, only GOD and i know, how much i tolerate, how much i overcome and how much i felt in this process of healing which came like the hugest storm i have ever been in. I know, everybody got its own storm, and problems, struggles and issues, but all i can do is talk about what i have experienced, and i am still in it. All i will do is try to let you know what i did protect even though i could lose it for the intensity of my journey, my essence. I remember one of those days where i couldnt eat, or sleep, nor stay standing firm in the ground, i couldnt play with my dogs, cook or do anything that i have always do for me and everyone at home, this time GOD told me stop! Really STOP! so i did, half forced half because i was asking for my spiritual healing long time ago, and so it had to happen, of course, i never knew it will happen with this intensity and too many challenges day by day, i really dont know how my strength was enough at some point, i couldnt even write, think, smile, or do almost anything. Back to what i discovered i have protected all cost, my essence,i remember i was having such a strong pain in my back, head and couldnt normally walk, yet i helped someone else to help others, yet i remembered what i promised to another person and i did what i said i will, i have prayed for people that may never know i did pray for them, and i am not concern about what others think or guess, i do what i feel, what comes from my heart, i do what is natural to me. In the middle of the hardest part of my storm, i asked GOD to help me keeping my soul pure, to not let me be bitter or mad, or feel anger or anything negative, since as i said before, i have never experience such a hard time in my life, that last too long, too long that was enough to quit, or give up, but i did not let my situation beat me, or win over me, i protected my soul, my heart, my body, as i could and of course my essence. I understood it had to happen this way or i wouldnt have stop to heal, i wouldnt have pay attention to the old wounds that were yelling please let us go! please heal and let go! if this storm wasnt this big, i wouldnt have STOP! now, i am thankful for it, and now i can see why, and i can embrace it, and talk about it. It doesnt make things easier but this is my testimony, GOD saw me almost giving up, i was at my 1 percent of energy and faith, and i asked GOD to forgive me if i was thinking in a negative way but this is my first time seeing myself for real, discovering myself with honesty, no lies, no secrets, no pose, no pretending, no hidden feelings, is like, if GOD came and opened my heart that was half closed for my entire 41 years old of life. WOW! i couldnt imagine this would happen to me at this age, at some point i thought i was already mature, with a family i created, with my job, my things, i just thought that i am going to be more mature in every experience of my life, but not this, i did not expect this SIZE of healing, in million year i wouldnt imagine, i did not expect it as it came! So the treasure i want to be thankful about in this chapter is, my helping hand, and GOD's helping hand, because, i knew GOD wont let me deal with it alone, but i did not know my essence will remain exactly the same after all the pain i felt, after all the suffering experience, today, i want to say thank you for my essence, my soul, my heart, my intentions, my character, my whole being, because, i could be mad, or resented, or angry, or unfaithful, but i did not allow this storm change what GOD have put in me, even before i was born. The helping hand is still there, it was there, and will always be there. Thank you!