Forgiving ourselves to forgive others ( Chapter 18 )
2022-04-07 00:39:05 - Elizabeth
For a long time i didnt know i was still attached to some memories, to part of my past, living half way there, half way here, i didnt know i did not let go completely as i thought i was, i really thought i overcome everything that happened to me in my entire life, because i didnt felt anger or resentment so, i really thought i done elaborating my history and healed all the wounds it causes me. Now that i have review my past, i see that to forgive is different than to not feel anger, to forgive is another level of freedom i didnt know i needed. I came to this conclusion one night, where i saw myself and the sins i commit before, never with conscious intentions but i did as everybody else does, by mistake, by being immature, by being reckless, by being a human being trying to grow and evolve, many mistakes, sins, regrets maybe, and that night my inner voice told me something, very important, something that changed my perspective of life, of how i feel about others, about those who have hurt me and those who didnt know they did. This voice came to remind me, if after all the wrong things i did, GOD have forgive me and gave me a non stop opportunities, chances, miracles, solutions, blessings, and he knows what i did, when and how, yet, he didnt judge me but accept me as who i am, why would i think for a second that i have the rights to judge anyone in my past, present or my future? why would i even feel i can point with my finger to someone's else mistakes or sins, if my creator and the entire Universe are still saving me every time i fall or fail? why would i even decide to criticize someone's else decisions if when i took mine, GOD didnt condeem me? he gave me another chance instead! This relevation of forgiveness was something i never thought i needed, because out loud, i have already said that i forgave everyone, every single person who hurt me in the past or even today, but, i didnt know i was in the exact same position as theirs! * Do not judge or you shall be judged * yes, we repeat this phrase many times to others, but we dont realize the whole meaning of those deep words, we dont take our time to analize the meaning of something we say so proud and secure. This amazing moment, have allow me to let go the weight i been carrying, which is also one of the reasons i went through my healing painful process, the weight was already too heavy to handle or to even keep walking carrying within me what i should have let go long time ago, but i am thankful! of course, never is too late to set myself free, and the feeling is peace, a real peaceful state of mind and feelings, because i finally understood the meaning of forgiveness. Today, i forgive myself for being too hard on judgements, for believing that i have rights to think i am better than who hurt me, today i forgive myself for carrying too much for nothing, for pushing myself too much when my life wasnt suppose to be this way, because i am here, despite of all the things that happened to me, i am here, and if i am still here, is not over yet! i forgive myself for wasting too much time looking back, too much energy thinking instead of healing, i forgive myself for all the things i did to me, the pressure, the seeking of a fake perfection, the intentions to be a super hero, the stressful way of living pushing myself to give more and more and more, when more, would never be enough, i forgive myself for creating a false world i dont want to live in, i want to be me, my essence, the one GOD gave me as my most treasure blessing! I forgive myself . I walk with God, in peace, understanding, there is so much more in life to appreciate, to love, to offer, to enjoy, to discover, to feel! I am ready for my new life. After forgiveness. Amen.