Its like a war without a weapon ( Chapter 2 )

When the doors of pain, anxiety, old wounds, traumas, wants to be open again, it feels like, someone has sent us into a war, without a team ,without weapons, and of course without a single previous training, a total stranger trying to survive in the middle of nowhere. That is exactly how it feels! Not to mention, the ups and down, the mood changing, the sadness and happiness coming together like if we are going insane! wow! if you want to know what a real torture is, hide your emotions for several years, act like if everything goes well, like if there is nothing to face, not a problem to solve and, few years later, let it explode in your face all at once!!! That is not even enough to explain the feeling of, carrying pain, guilt, insecurities, fears, for so long that you dont even know anymore what is, or how does it feel to be ALIVE, it is more like i am surviving in a war where the enemy is MYSELF! what? yes! exactly! First of, just to identify the problem it is a huge move, because our old self and EGO, are always saying * Nah, lets do it in another ocassion * so we delay the responsibility to make the decision to finally face it and deal with it. Just that fight between, i want to make changes and the, lets not do it right now, its already something not easy to do or handle, why? because of FEAR! yes, of course, there he is, that huge monster, that mean ghost called FEAR, stopping us from moving on, stopping us from taking the decision to start making changes, and to be honest, wer are responsible of it. When we were a child, it was so much easier, there were real monsters !!!!!!! at least for us, during a nightmare, or simply in a movie, or inside any story someone around told us to entertain us, they shouldnt have, but we cannot blame our parents or relatives, they did what they could, and what they knew best. So, when we became adults, grown people, we couldnt blame these monsters anymore! because, how ridiculous it would be right? then, the war starts. A war between, what they have taught us and what is in fact, the reality of the present moment where we are living. This become a huge problem, whom are we going to blame now? i cant say the monster under my bed... i mean i could but, then? who is going to believe me? i am a whole human being, with thoughts, intelligence, maturity, and capability of being realistic, so now, i may blame others, my mother, my father, my sister, my cousins, my teachers, my neighbor , the society or just, i may blame the life itself, why not? and there is where our EGO take us, on a eternal fake ride, where we cant find ( or we feel that we cant ) find a way out. Our brain is like a computer, and so it respond to present problems, with old solutions, because we havent introduce new information, as we did not face new monsters, therefore, we have not collect, new material or programs for our computer to have new ways to respond, at least, or give us new options. There is the first problem, how are we going to face the monster, to survive in this war, using old techniques that did not work before, and of course, it wont work this time with new issues to solve. The first step and maybe the hardest part of starting to HEAL is > reprogramming ourselves.